


A Long Road To Recovery

by kaysathey



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: 21st District Police Station (Chicago PD), Blood and Injury, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, POV First Person, Recovery, Serious Injuries, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 8,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29345520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaysathey/pseuds/kaysathey
Summary: What starts out as a normal day for Erin Lindsay and her boyfriend Jay Halstead quickly turns into a nightmare when Erin gets shot.I do not own any of these amazing characters, they all belong to Dick Wolf.Originally posted on Wattpad (my username there is Katie-MD)
Relationships: Erin Lindsay & Hank Voight, Jay Halstead/Erin Lindsay, Kim Burgess & Erin Lindsay
Kudos: 6





	1. The Shot Heard Round The World

Erin POV:

When Jay and I walk into Intelligence I notice everyone is here except for Kim. 

"Where's Kim?" I ask Ruzek as I sit down.

"She woke up late, but she promised she'd be here as soon as she could." He replies.

"Oh okay." I say as Voight comes out of his office.

"Don't get to comfortable you guys. Kim glad you could join us."

"Sorry..." She mutters as she sits down.

"Anyway as I was saying," Voight continues. 

"There's an active shooter at a hotel. Grab your vests, and let's go. Remember: be careful, this is an active shooter people!" 

I jump out of my chair, grab my vest, and follow Jay to our car. Before I get in I start fumbling with the straps on my vest.

"Here you go Erin." Jay says as he helps me with my vest.

"Thanks Jay. But you still aren't driving." I say as I climb into the driver's seat.

"It was worth a try, but I'll always help you out. Always." He says.

"Aw thanks Jay." I say as we start driving. Once we get to the hotel I notice everyone is waiting for us.  
"Sorry Hank." I say as I walk over.

"It's okay, don't worry about it." He says. "Alright, listen up people! There are 20 floors, and only one shooter. We're splitting up. Erin you take the 13th floor, Jay you take the 10th." Hearing this I walk away and up to the hotel entrance.

"Erin! Meet back here in 10 minutes!" I hear Voight shout.

"Alright! See you then!" I reply back.

I take my phone out of my pocket and set a 10 minute timer. I slid my phone back into my pocket and walk in. I walk over to the stairwell entrance and open the door. When the door closes behind me it goes pitch-black. I quickly grab my flashlight and turn it on. Once my eyes adjust to the light, I notice the floor is covered in an inch of water.

"Ugh, gross!" I mumble to myself as I start walking up the stairs. 

Next thing I know I'm on the 13th floor. As I'm about to open the door I hear a voice.

"Well, well, well. What do we have hear?" I hear it say.

I spin around and find a tall man in front of me, pointing a gun at me. I recognize him from the picture Voight showed us of the shooter. It takes me a minute but I eventually remember his name. 

"Vincent." I say.

"Put your gun down! And take off your vest and wire!" He says moving closer.

I carefully set my gun on the floor and take off my vest and wire and do the same. 

"There. Anything else?" I ask.

"Yes, I can't have you telling the other cops where I am. Now can we?" He replies.

He moves slightly and points his gun at my chest. I hear a loud sound, and then I feel a hot flash of pain erupt in my chest. I scream out in agony. As I'm falling to the floor I notice the water turning red.

"Enjoy the last minute of your life!" He says as he runs away.

I try and get back up but I can't. I hear my alarm go off, and I start crawling. But soon all the water around me is a rich red color, I've lost a lot of blood already. I start feeling weak, and dizzy. I give up trying to crawl and sit up. 

"Erin! 10 minutes is up!" I hear Voight say from my wire. I'm about to respond but everything goes black.


	2. Where’s Erin?

Voight POV:

"Erin!" I bark into my wire. All I get back is complete silence. 

"Where is she? We were supposed to meet up 10 minutes ago!" I say turning towards the rest of intelligence. "I... I don't know. Now if you hadn't split us up I would know." Jay responds.

"Not now Halstead!" I bark back. I try calling her again, but still no response.

"Alright I'm going in. You guys stay out here in case she comes out. Contact me as soon as you find her." I say.

"Alright, you do the same though." Atwater replies. I give him a slight nod as I walk into the hotel. As I'm walking up the stairs I hear Ruzek ask "Anything yet?"

"No you?"

"Nope, don't worry she's alright." He says.

I hope Ruzek's right. When I'm on the 10 floor I notice some of the water is red. "Erin?!" I shout as I run up the remaining stairs as fast as I can. On the 12 floor I notice all the water is a deep rich red color. I glance up at the stairwell in front of me and notice a limp figure laying on the ground. 

"Erin!" I shout as I run up the stairs towards the limp body. When I reach the figure I close my eyes and pray that it isn't her. I open my eyes and crouch down next to the body, I avoid looking at the figure's face and notice a large bullet wound in the figure's chest. It can't be Erin, I think, she was wearing her vest. When I look at the figure's face my heart drops.

"ERIN?!" I scream. I immediately push against her wound trying to slow the bleeding. I hold two fingers up against her neck, hoping for a pulse. When I feel the slight thump telling me her heart is still beating I let out a sigh in relief.

"Call 911!" I sob into my wire, "Erin's been shot!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy lives to read my little story!
> 
> Also sorry the chapter is so short, I wrote this three years ago before I started writing long chapters.


	3. Shock

Jay POV-

What? Did I just hear Voight correctly? I stumble back and lean against the wall. 

"Jay, you alright?" I hear Ruzek ask.

"No, I'm not, Erin's been shot." I reply trying to hold back tears.

"Don't worry, she'll be fine, she's Erin Lindsay. Kim's calling 911, help will be here soon." Ruzek tries to assure me.

"I'm going to see her." I say pushing myself up from the wall.

"Alright, be careful." Atwater says. 

I give him a quick nod before I run into the hotel. When I open the stairwell door I hear someone sobbing.

"Hank?" I call as I fly up the stairs. "Hank? Are you in here?"

"Halstead? Is that you?" I hear him crock. 

"Yeah! How's Erin?" I ask when I reach the 12 floor.

As a response I just hear a sob. When I reach the 13 floor I notice Voight leaning over a limp Erin, with his hands pushed against her chest. 

"Erin!" I shout as I collapse next to her.

"She... She was shot in the chest, but she didn't have her vest on." Voight says in between sobs.

Now that's a sight you almost never see, Hank Voight crying. I mean the last time, and only time he has openly cried was when his son, Justin, was murdered.

"Paramedics are here! What floor?" I hear Kim ask from the wire.

"13! Tell them to hurry!" I reply.

I brush Erin's beautiful, luscious, blonde hair out of her deep, and understanding eyes. But then I notice her eyes fluttering open. 

"Jay?" She croaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading you guys, sorry it’s so short. I’ll probably try and edit these chapters soon to make them longer.


	4. Am I Going To Die?

Erin POV:

"Erin!" Jay shouts, "Are you alright?"

I take a few seconds to think of my answer. "I... I don't know." I say while trying to hold back tears.

"Why weren't you wearing your vest?" Voight asks.

"V...Vincent made me take it off." I say weakly then turn my attention to Jay. "Jay, am I going to die?"

"What? No!" He replies, "Why'd you ask?"

"Vincent said to enjoy the last minute of my life." I reply as I start crying. 

"Don't listen to anything that idiot says." Jay exclaims.

"Erin?" I hear Dawson's familiar voice ask.

"Up here!" Voight shouts. Next thing I know Dawson is telling Voight and Jay to back up.

"We've got her!" Brett says.

"How do you feel Erin?" Dawson asks. But I don't respond, instead everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I’m really sorry about how short this is. Once I post all the chapters I’ll try and edit them and make it longer.


	5. She’s So Lucky

Dawson POV:

I stare at Erin's limp body. I suddenly remember Antonio telling me what a great cop she is.

"She's losing blood fast!" I hear Brett shout.

"Alright, let's get her into the ambo!" I reply. I quickly place a bandage over her wound before we lift her onto the stretcher. 

"One of you can come with us." I say to Jay and Voight.

"Halstead, you go. She'd want you there." Voight says with silent tears streaming down his face.

"She'd want both of us there. But I'll go if you insist." Jay replies, also with silent tears streaming down his face.

At this, Voight starts sobbing and gives Jay a silent nod. Brett and I carry the stretcher down the dark, wet stairwell. As we turn the corner I notice Voight carrying what Erin dropped. Erin is lucky to have all these wonderful people who care about her.


	6. She’s My Best Friend

Burgess POV:

I hope Erin's alright, I need her to be alright; we're best friends. She helped me when I was shot, now it's my turn to return the favor.

"Burgess! Over here!" Voight shouts.

I run over and see Dawson and Brett carrying a limp Erin out on a stretcher. She can't be dead, she needs to be alive!

"Sargeant, is... Is she...?" I start to say.

"She's alive... For now. She's a fighter, you know that. Can you take her vest and wire and then meet us at Med?" He says handing me the load of her stuff that was in his arms.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll be there soon." 

I watch the paramedics load a limp Erin into the back of the ambulance. I see Jay climb in, tears streaming down his face. I stand there and watch as the ambulance drives farther off into the distance. 

"Kim, don't worry, Erin will be fine." Ruzek says as he wraps his arm around me.

"I really hope you're right." I say as he gives me a light kiss on the top of my head.

"I'm always right, and this is Erin we're talking about here."

"Your right, thanks Adam."

"No problem!"

Suddenly I hear my phone ring, I glance down only to see that Jay texted me.

"She's doing alright, don't worry." He says.

"Thanks ☺️" I quickly type back.

I run over to my car and quickly start driving to Med. Thank goodness Med has the doctors working there! I probably end up breaking a few speed limits, but at this point I don't care. I need to see for myself that Erin is alright. Then I remember that Jay is with her and I feel comforted. Erin is so lucky she has Jay. He is perfect for her.


	7. The Unimaginable Pain

Lindsay POV:

When I open my eyes I'm blinded by a bright light.

"Erin? Can you hear me?" I hear a voice ask.

I give a slight nod as my eyes slowly adjust to the light. When did I get into an ambulance? I start getting very frightened, and scared. I look around frantically and notice Jay sitting beside me.

"Shh... It's alright Erin." He says placing his hand gently on my shoulder. 

"How do you feel?" Brett asks.

"Horrible." And it's the truth, I've never felt this much pain before in my life. I didn't feel pain anywhere close to this level when I lost Camille, Justin, or Nadia.

"Alright, we'll get you to Med as soon as we can. For now lay still, and keep the oxygen on you. How far out Dawson?"

"Um, about two minutes." Dawson quickly replies.

Brett places an oxygen mask on me before she starts changing my bandage. I glance down and see my wound. All covered in blood, my blood. I quickly look away, frightened by the amount of blood I am losing. 

"Dawson! Call Med, she's losing blood fast, and her stats are dropping!" Brett shouts.

"On it!" Dawson replies. Why does this have to happen?

"It's alright Erin, you'll be okay." Jay says as a single tear slides down his cheek. 

I give him a slight nod as I close my eyes. 

"Erin! Stay with me! Wake up!" I hear Brett shout.

I try and open my eyes, but I can't. The pain is to much, I can't go on. I just lie there praying that the pain will go away. 

But it doesn't.


	8. We’re Losing Her

Brett POV:

"We're losing her Gabby!" I shout.

"Alright, start CPR, push epi, and if you still can't get her back intubate!"

"Gabby, I know this. You do realize I went to re-training with you, right?"

"Oh, right, sorry. Just keep an eye on her, we can't lose her!"

"Got it!" I shout as I start CPR. "Jay, do you know CPR?" 

He gives me a slight nod as he takes over. "Pushing 10 cc of epi!" I shout as I push the meds through her IV.

"We're nearly there, how's she looking?" Dawson asks as I take over compressions. 

"I've got a pulse!" I say as I let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks Jay, you just saved her life!" 

Jay looks down at Erin and gives her a light kiss on her forehead as we arrive at Med.

Connor Rhodes POV:

"PD's in the house!" Maggie shouts. I run over and glance at the patient.

"GSW victim to the chest, lost her on the way, but managed to get her back. Lost consciousness three times, most likely due to blood loss. And guys, it's Erin." Brett shouts.

"Treatment five!" Maggie immediately orders.

Once we've transferred her to the gurney, and connected her to the monitors, I start to examine the wound. It's really deep, and I can't see anything. I'm going to need to open her up to see the extent of the damage.

"I need to operate now! This bullet could of punctured her heart!" I shout.

Once we get her up to the OR we immediately sedate her. I take a deep breath as if I was trying to calm my nerves. Except nothing will calm these nerves. I'm operating on Erin Lindsay. Now it's not just somebody's family, it's our family. She is like family to us, and if I lost her no one would ever forgive me. I would never hear the end of it from Will. I can't screw this up, I have to fix this.

"Scalpel."


	9. It Was So Close

Jay POV:

This is torture. Waiting in the waiting room, while Erin is in surgery. I hope she's alright, actually, I need her to be alright. I suddenly notice Dr. Rhodes walking towards us, and I immediately stand up

"She'll be fine. I put her in the ICU to recover. The bullet was very close to her heart. If it had hit her a millimeter to the left, she'd be dead."

What? Did I hear him correctly? I stumble back into the wall and slid down to the floor.

"Hey, it's alright. This is Erin we're talking about. She's gonna stay here and bother you for a really long time." Ruzek says with a grin on his face.

"Can... Can I see her?" I ask Dr. Rhodes when I finally regain my senses.

"She's sleeping right now, but for a few minutes. Although when she wakes up the most I can allow in there at a time is two. I don't want to overwhelm her just yet. The ICU is typically just for immediate family, but you guys are like a family to each other, and to us. So, I'll make an exception."

"Thank you!" I say as I follow him to her room.

When I walk in I see Erin fast asleep in the bed, with all the color drained from her face. I carefully slid a chair next to her bed and sit down. I grab her cold, lifeless hand in mine. 

"I'm so sorry Erin! This never should of happened. I shouldn't of let you go in there without backup. I even promised you that I would always have your back, and I've failed you. I'm so sorry, I'll never forgive myself. All of this is my fault, and I will never forget that! Oh Erin!" I cry out as I lay my head on my arm.

I need her to be alright. I need her to wake up, soon.


	10. Absolutely Horrible

Erin POV:

"... This is all my fault..." I hear Jay cry.

I slowly open my eyes and notice him sitting next to me. He has his head laying on his arm and tears streaming down his face.

"It's not your fault." I manage to croak out.

He quickly lifts his head up and gives me a huge smile. 

"You're awake! How are you feeling?" He asks.

"Absolutely horrible."

"Do you want me to get the doctor?" He worriedly asks.

I give him a slight nod and he immediately runs out to find one. A few minutes later he returns with Dr. Rhodes right behind him.

"Alright Erin I hear you feel 'absolutely horrible.' What hurts?" Dr. Rhodes asks.

"Everything, but mostly my chest." I croak.

"Alright I'll give you some more morphine. Do you need anything else? Or would you like me to get anyone else from the waiting room?" He asks as he adjusts my meds.

"Yes, I need Hank." I croak.

Voight POV:

Thank goodness Erin is alright. I was so worried I was going to lose her, the only family I have left.

"Sargent Voight?" Dr. Rhodes asks. 

"Yes?" I ask as I stand up.

"Erin was asking for you. Would you like to see her?"

"Of course!" I reply, hurrying after him.

"Erin?" I ask as I enter her room. 

"Hank..." She croaks.


	11. You’re My Hero

Erin POV:

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Hank asks. 

"Horrible, but Dr. Rhodes gave me some morphine."

"Good, I mean not good you're feeling horrible, but never mind."

"It's okay, I get what you mean. Go get some rest, you look exhausted."

"Yeah, alright. Halstead, make sure she's alright." He says before he walks out to go get some much needed sleep.

"I always do, don't I?" Jay asks me.

"Yeah, and thank you for that. You're my hero..." I say before a large yawn cuts me off.

"Hey, go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." He says slowly brushing the hair out of my face.

"Okay, thanks. I love you." I say before I fall fast asleep.

Jay POV:

"I love you too." I say even though I know Erin can't hear me.

I'm so glad Erin's alright. I love seeing her so peaceful. I can't help myself but I end up watching her sleep. She's so cute; snuggled up in the bed. It gives me the false illusion that everything is okay. I appreciate these moments, but than I hate them when I realize that everything in fact is not okay.

Erin is my life; my rock; my soul; my everything. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Erin. It's as if I wasn't living until I meet her. She brings out the best in me; she is my better half. No matter how cheesy that sounds, it's true.


	12. All In Good Time

Erin POV:

I've been here for two weeks now. I haven't gotten out of the bed at all, but today is the day. The day I get out of bed. I've been waiting for this day since the moment I woke up. Once I'm mobile I'm one step closer to returning to duty.

"Are you ready for this Erin?" Jay asks.

"I've never been more ready for anything. Well except maybe going undercover..."

"Are you already angling to go back to work?"

"Maybe..."

"All in good time Erin, all in good time. Just one step at a time."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pain. That's all I feel. I just sat up without any support from pillows. I can feel tears streaming down my face. I thought I could do this. I at least wanted to be able to sit up.

"It's alright Erin. You did good. We'll try again tomorrow." Dr. Rhodes says helping me lie back down.

"Bu... But..."

"Don't worry. I didn't expect you to be able to stand up today. In fact you exceeded my expectations by being able to sit up as well as you did."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been two hours since my failed attempt of standing. I'm so angry at myself. Why couldn't I do it? Will I ever be able to again? Will I ever be able to return to work? 

Jay POV:

I'm worried about Erin. For two hours now she's been lying in the bed crying. She refuses to talk to me about it. I want to help her, I just don't know how.

I notice Hank walking into the room. I motion towards Erin crying and he gives an understanding nod.

Hank POV:

I hate seeing Erin upset. I honestly don't know the last time I've seen her this upset. Maybe when she lost Nadia, but she didn't cry in front of anyone. 

"Hey Erin. What's wrong?"

She looks at me for a few seconds before crying even more.

"Hey, Erin, baby. If you don't tell us what's going on we won't be able to help. What is it?" Jay asks.

"Everything!!" She shouts.

"Alright, it's okay. But do you mind being a little more specific?"

"I couldn't do it Hank. I could barely sit up. I failed."

Of course. I knew she wouldn't be up and about on the first day. But she must be heartbroken.

"Hey, it's alright. You'll do even better tomorrow. You'll see. It always hurts when you first get up after major surgery."

"But... But what if I can't do it. What if I can't walk anymore. What if I can't be a cop anymore?"

"Hey, listen to me. You will become a cop again, and you will be able to walk again. You will get better."

"You're Erin Lindsay. You never let anything stand in your way. And don't think like that. As Hank said, you will get through this. Don't give up now!" Jay says, kissing her on her forehead.

"I will get through this." She says with a slight smile on her face.


	13. Are You Sure?

Erin POV:

It's been two weeks since my failed attempt. I've tried each day since and have made it a little farther. But I've never managed to stand up or take a step. But I'm going to today. I can just feel it.

"Erin, are you sure you want to try again? You're body needs to rest." Dr. Rhodes says when he comes in for our daily session.

"I need to do this. I have to return to duty, and soon."

"Alright, but you do realize it's going to be a while before you can return to full duty. Right?"

"I do now." I mumble angrily.

"Take your time. Once you get discharged I can clear you for desk duty, but nothing in the field."

"Fine. But I'm still doing it."

"Alright. Jay, can you help me?"

"Sure thing. You ready Erin?" Jay asks.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

I slowly sit up, and this time it didn't hurt. I push myself closer to the edge of the bed and feel a sharp pain. I take a deep breath and push myself up.

"Does anything hurt?" Dr. Rhodes asks once I'm standing.

"Nope. I feel great!" I lie as another sharp pain erupts in my chest.

I slowly take a step, wobble for a few seconds before taking another.

Pain. That's all I can feel. But I need to do this. I manage to make my way over to the chair against the wall. I grab onto it's arms and fall into it.

"You did great Erin. Much better then I expected. You sure there isn't any pain? None at all?"

"Yep." I lie as I let out a breath in pain.

"Let me check your stitches."

He helps me back over to my bed before removing my bandage to inspect the stitches. 

"They held nicely. But they are all red. I'm going to remove them, I think they're infected. If they aren't they will be."

He gives me some morphine before starting to remove the stitches. I take a deep breath and look at Jay. Even though he gave me morphine I can still feel some pain.

"Well, this has certainly healed up nicely. I'd like to keep an eye on you for at least a couple more days. But after that you can go home."

"Wait, really? And then I can return to desk duty?"

"If you must. I would prefer it if you took at least a week off after you are discharged. Just as precaution."

"Jay, call Hank and let him know that I'll be returning in a week at most."

"Erin..." Jay says.

"Jay, please. I've missed way to much work."

"Fine. But Voight is going to have something to say, you know that right?"

"Yeah, but I'm going back in a week. No matter what."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jay POV:

It's been a long day. I'm worried about Erin. I know Dr. Rhodes says she's fine, but there is something off. I don't know what, but I'm going to find out. No matter what it takes.

Jay- 'hey Sarg, it's Jay. I just wanted to let you know that Erin is going to be discharged soon. And is already insisting that she is returning the next day.'

I hope Voight manages to stop Erin. I don't want her to get hurt. I know I can't protect her forever but I'm going to do it as long as I possibly can. Then I hear my phone ding. I quickly grab it to see that Voight responded.

Voight- 'she won't be. She is at least taking a week off. I'll be there as soon as I can.'


	14. Not If I Can Help It

Hank POV:

Erin is not returning any time soon. I hate to do this to her, but she needs to rest. Sometimes I wonder if she even knows what rest means. She never takes days off, and she needs to. Even when she's sick, she still comes in. I admire her work ethic, but it can be very troublesome sometimes.

As I walk towards Erin's room I notice Dr. Rhodes walking up to me.

"Sargent! Can I have a word?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"It's about Erin. She needs to rest and take it easy, but I know she won't do that. I already talked to Jay, but I wanted to let you know. She shouldn't return to work for at least a week, after she is discharged. And she can't return to full duty until I clear her."

"Of course, I wasn't going to let her do anything different."

He gives me a slight nod before he runs off to answer a page. I continue on my way to Erin's room, but I stop outside of it. I know they all say she is alright, but I'm still worried on what I might find in there. I love her, and I hate seeing her hurt.

Jay POV:

Erin's fine. Or at least that is what she tells me. I notice Hank walking in and I give him a small smile. I point at Erin, who just fell asleep, he nods and sits in a chair next to her. I'm glad he's here. I love Erin, but I haven't slept in like a week. I lie down on the cot that they brought me and I feel my eyes closing. I should really stay awake in case Erin needs something. But my eyes don't obey my mind. They quickly slip closed and I fall into a much needed sleep.

Erin POV:

I slowly open my eyes and notice Hank asleep next to me, and Jay asleep on the cot. I really don't want to wake them up but Hank is asleep on my arm and it hurts. 

I carefully slid my arm out from under him and start massaging it. He wakes up suddenly and gives me a worried expression.

"Erin? What's wrong?"

"You were asleep on my arm, and I couldn't feel it. Sorry that I woke you."

"It's fine! Don't worry about it! How are you feeling?"

"A little better actually, by any chance do you know when I'm getting discharged?"

"No, and I don't want you to worry about that. You need to focus on feeling better."

"Fine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dr. Rhodes!" I shout excitedly when he enters my room.

"Wow, someone's happy I'm here! What's wrong?"

"When do I get discharged?"

He takes a few minutes to think about this. He takes a deep breath and quickly checks my vitals.

"If you truly feel fine then maybe tomorrow or the next day. No promises!"

I'm overjoyed. This is the best news that I could get all day! I can't wait until I can finally get out of this bed!


	15. Discharge Day

Erin POV:

I'm so excited. I finally get to go home today. I haven't been outside since I was shot. I can't believe that this day is finally here. Jay went home about 20 minutes ago to get it cleaned and ready. So, I'm all alone to pack up my stuff. I climb out of bed and start packing up my stuff.

"Erin?" I hear Natalie ask.

"Oh hey Natalie!" I say as I continue to pack.

"What... What are you doing?" 

"Packing! I'm getting discharged today!"

"I... I heard, and while that's great unfortunately you aren't supposed to be out of bed."

"But Natalie, I need to pack up!"

"I know, but Dr. Rhodes needs to examine you one last time. So by the time he's here I really hope you are back in bed."

"Fine, I'll get back in right now. See?" I say as I get back into bed.

"Good job. And Erin congrats on getting discharged, I am so happy that you pulled through."

"Thanks Natalie." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good morning Erin. How are you today?" Dr. Rhodes asks walking into the room. 

"I'm great!"

"I know you're excited to get home, but you need to be completely honest with me. Does anything hurt, or feel, even the slightest bit, uncomfortable?"

"Nope! Everything is great!"

"I really hope you're telling me the truth. Let me do one final exam and then you are free to go."

I can barely lie still. I get to go home. I can cuddle next to Jay in our own bed, instead of doing so in this tiny hospital bed. I just need Dr. Rhodes to finish this up.

"So...?"

"It all looks good. I'm going to prepare your discharge papers and then Jay can sign them. Wait, where's Jay?"

"He went to go get the house ready, he's on his way back."

"Alright, just let him know that they are ready to be signed. Also, I will be calling you later to schedule a check up. Just to make sure you're healing properly, and then maybe I could clear you for work. Take it easy, alright?"

I give him a quick nod before he leaves. Once he's gone I immediately get up and continue packing. A few minutes later Jay walks into my room.

"Hey! Oh by the way the discharge papers are ready to be signed!"

"Great! I'll do that now so we can head home."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm actually leaving this place. I never thought I would. I mean I knew that I was going to some day, I just didn't think it would go like this. I'm walking out of the hospital after getting shot next to my heart. 

I feel like nothing can ruin my mood. I feel like a superhero. I feel like I can do anything. In fact I feel like I'm ready to get back to work. And back into the actual action, not the stupid desk jobs. I mean no offense Platt, but I would go crazy sitting at a desk all day. I need to go out into the field at least once a day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you ready?" Jay asks as we approach the door.

"I haven't been more ready for anything in my life."

He slowly opens the door and turns the lights on. And then it happens. Everyone from Intelligence jumps out from hiding spaces and shout "SURPRISE!!" 

I actually start crying. I've missed them all so much, and I never thought they cared this much about me. It means the world to me.


	16. All Over Again

Erin POV:

It's finally here. The day I've been waiting for since I got shot. The day I return to work. I mean sure I've been back, but only on desk duty. I finally managed to convince Hank that I was ready. 

"Jay hurry up! We're going to be late!" I shout as I wait at the door.

"Erin, first of all we have 20 minutes, second of all you are never early. Are you feeling alright?"

"Jay, I'm perfectly fine, I'm just excited."

"Alright, alright. Give me 5 minutes then we can leave."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another reason to celebrate is that I can finally drive again. Jay and I made a deal that once I returned to full duty, I could start driving full time again. This may or may not of been a reason why I wanted to return so quickly.

I don't remember the drive being this long. I always remember it being short, but today it seems like forever. 

"Erin! You're back for good, right?" Platt says as soon as we walk into the precinct. 

"Yep! Full duty starting today!"

"I'm really proud of you Erin. And be careful. I don't want you to get shot again."

"I won't I won't. I promise."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright lets roll out guys!" Hank says after we got a lead on a new case.

I gladly run out to our car and hop in. I quickly drive Jay and I to the scene. It's a mess. Blood everywhere. People crying. And the sound of a gun being fired. 

"Jay, tell Hank that I went in."

"Erin! Don't be crazy! You can't! It's your first day! You need backup!"

"I'll be fine. I survived a bullet wound to my chest, I think I can survive this."

I don't wait for a response. I grab my gun and run into the building.

It's dark. Really dark. But not as dark as the stairwell. Nothing will ever be as dark as that stairwell. Nothing will ever be as bad as that stairwell.

I quickly turn the corner and see the gunman. I quickly point my gun at him cautiously moving closer. 

"Put it down, now!" He shouts.

I quickly put my gun down and back away from it. He points the gun at my chest. This cannot be happening. It's my first day. Hank is going to be so mad at me. I'm mad at myself to be honest. Why did I think this was a good idea?

Then I hear it. The sound of the bullet being released from the gun. I see it racing towards me. I move out of the way but it only worsens the blow. I feel a sharp pain right where my heart is.

I fall to the floor clutching my chest. I glance up and see him running away without glancing back towards me. 

Everything hurts. My vision swarms. I can feel myself losing consciousness. There's nothing I can do. I have to accept the inevitable. I have to accept that I am going to die.

Soon I can't see anything. Then all my pain disappears. Even though I feel great, I know what it means. I'm dying. I'm going to die without ever telling Jay how much I really love him. How I wanted to grow old together and raise wonderful kids. 

That will never happen. 

Nothing will ever happen again. 

I feel like I'm being pulled. I try and fight but I give up. I feel like I'm flying. But I know I'm not because I still feel the cold floor pressing against my body. What is going on?

Then it hits me. I'm dying. It's to late. Nothing can stop this. At this moment I desperately hope that 'true love's kiss' is true. And not just in fairy tales. 

But no one is coming. No one is coming to my rescue. I'm all alone. I can't believe that the last conversation I had with Jay was a fight.

If I could redo some of the things I've done I would. I would change everything that led to this moment. 

I just wish I could see Jay one last time and tell him how much I love him.


	17. It Was All A Dream

Erin POV:

I wake up in a cold sweat. I have tears streaming down my face. I sit up in bed and notice that Jay is still asleep next to me. 

I slowly get out of bed and stumble into the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and see the dark circles under my eyes, and the sweat on my forehead. I grab a washcloth and rub off the sweat. I carefully sit down on the edge of the bathtub and put my head in my hands.

I have a horrible headache. I know it's because I'm tired, but I can't help but worry that it might be something more.

"Erin? Are you okay?" I hear Jay ask.

"Yeah... I'm okay." I say trying to push away the headache.

"Erin, I can tell you aren't. I'm coming in." He says as he opens the door.

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"Erin, you look awful. What happened?"

"I... I just had a bad dream." I say leaning into his chest after he sits next to me.

He wraps his arms around me and rubs my shoulders. He places a gently kiss on my forehead and then strokes my head. 

"What was it?"

"I... I went back to work, but I... I got shot again. And I... I died. And you weren't there. I died alone Jay. I thought I wasn't going to see you again." I say before I burst into tears.

"Hey, hey it's alright. I'm right here, you're okay. Everything's okay."

I just continue crying as he rubs my back. I don't want to go in today. I can't. What if that dream was a warning? What if I get shot again and actually die? What would Jay do then? I would never leave him. And I need to prevent that from happening. But how will I convince Jay to let me stay home? Dr. Rhodes even told Voight that I was returning to full duty today. If I don't show up he's going to be really worried. 

"I'm sorry Jay, I... I should of told you..." I say half heartedly.

"It's alright. But Erin, are you okay? You look horrible, and your sweating."

"I guess, but I do have a really bad headache. I was going to just take some ibuprofen."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll go get it." I say as I slowly stand up.

But as soon as I stand up I sway in place, and quickly grab onto the counter. I'm not actually dizzy, I just need Jay to believe that I am.

"Woah, Erin, let's get you in bed. You are not going in today, I'm sorry. I'll call Voight, just rest, and I'll get you the ibuprofen.

I let him lead me into bed, and act as if I don't feel well. I shouldn't be doing this, and I know it. He would be so mad if he found out I was playing hooky. I haven't done this since I was a freshman in high school.

Flashback:

"Erin! You need to get up, or else you're gonna be late!" I hear Camille shout from the hallway.

I can't go in today. I just can't. I can't stand another day with those kids, pretending like my mother was the perfect mother. I just can't do it anymore.

"Erin! Get up now!" I hear Hank shout, "Don't keep Camille waiting! I have to go, I'll see you and Justin tonight. Now get up and go."

After that the door slams shut. I quickly hurry around my room to get things to make it seem like I was sick. I've done this plenty of times before. Whenever I don't feel like going to school, I just pretend like I'm sick.

"Erin! We need to go!" Camille shouts as she opens the door. "Erin? What's wrong?"

"I... I don't feel well. I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be sorry, it's not your fault. Just rest, I'll call you in sick today, and I'll try and get off of work to take care of you."

"It's okay, I can take care of myself. I've done it so many times before."

"Don't be silly. It's a mothers job to take care of her children when they are sick. And even though you aren't my biological child, I'm still going to take care of you."

My plan was working great. That is until Camille caught me. I was on the phone with a friend. I was explaining how I was playing hooky. Camille choose that exact moment to walk in.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE PLAYING HOOKY?!"

"Camille, listen to me, please. I'm really sorry. I just couldn't take another day at that school. I have to pretend to be someone that I'm not. I have to pretend like I have the perfect life, when in reality I have the complete opposite of that. I know I shouldn't skip school, but I couldn't do it today. I just needed a break. I needed to be me for once."

"It's alright, but Erin, you can't just lie to me. You have to tell me these things. Next time just tell me, and I'll let you stay home. Everyone needs a break once in a while. But Erin, you can't run away from your problems. As scary as it may be, you need to face it."

End flashback

"How are you doing Erin? I called Hank. He said he'd come by later to see how you were doing."

"I'm okay, just tired."

"Then rest. I'll be here when you wake up."


	18. Only Us

Jay POV:

Erin is hiding something. I know it. She isn't that good at pretending like she isn't. I know she isn't sick. And I never called Hank. 

I know she's scared. And I also know that she's never going to admit to it. 

I just have to give her her space. And let her come to me. 

Erin POV:

Jay's on to me. He's not great at hiding these type of things. 

I know I should tell him. In fact I need to tell him. I just don't know how to. 

"Hey, Erin, can I talk to you?" Jay suddenly asks.

"Yeah, sure, what's up?"

"I think you know what I'm about to ask."

"Look, before you get mad I just want to..."

"Erin, I'm not mad, I just want to know why you didn't tell me you were scared."

"Look, last night I had a horrible nightmare. I went back to work but I got shot again. And well I died, alone. I just don't want that to happen to me in real life."

"Erin, it won't, I promise. You know Hank, the team, and I would never let that happen."

"But you can't control when I die!" I shout, while tears flow down my face.

"Hey calm down. And you're right, but I can control whether you're alone or not. And I can, and will, do everything in my power to make sure you are perfectly fine."

"You promise?"

"I promise. And Erin? You can stay home as long as you want, and you can have anyone over to help get your confidence back."

"But, what if I don't want anyone else?"

"Then you don't have to have anyone else."

"Good, cause I just want you. I want it to be only us right now."

"Only us?"

"Yeah, I mean if that's okay..."

"Of course it's okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jay kept his promise. For the next few days it was only us in the apartment, I wouldn't even answer my phone. I know my friends, and Hank, must be worried. But I just needed a break. A long one at that.

"Erin, Hank won't stop asking when you're going into work. What should I tell him?"

"I don't know. In fact, I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I'm scared that I'm going to die."

"Erin, look at me. You won't die. How about we go in tomorrow, but if it becomes to much we can go home again. Would that be alright?"

"Yeah, thank you Jay. For everything."

"No problem. I love you Erin, and I will never stop loving you."

"I love you to."


	19. Back At It Again

Erin POV:

Today is the day. I'm finally going back in. I don't know if I'm ready, but when will I ever be ready? Never I tell you. I don't think I'll ever truly be ready. I'll eventually have to face my fears, and it's better to do it sooner rather than later. 

"Erin! Are you ready to head out?"

"Almost, just give me a second!"

I quickly grab my bag and walk into the living room to find Jay waiting for me. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and leads me out to the car before I could change my mind.

"You're going to be fine. You have nothing to worry about." He assures me as we drive towards the precinct. 

"Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"Since I was shot I'm allowed to choose any force to be a part of, right?"

"Oh, um, yeah, I guess, technically. Why, do you think you'll change?"

"I don't know, I mean, maybe. It's nice to have that option, right?"

"Yeah, definitely. I mean I enjoyed that when I was shot, but then again why would you want to leave Intelligence?"

"I mean, Hank isn't exactly okay with our relationship, right? So, if I left, we would be free to date."

"I mean technically I guess, but Hank has loosened his reigns a lot since we first started dating. I mean, if you're still thinking of moving we should talk with Hank. Alright?"

"Yeah, you're right."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We walk into Intelligence and it's completely empty.

"Where is everyone?" I ask Jay. 

"I'm not sure, maybe they got called out on a case. I'll go ask Platt."

Once he leaves I walk over to my desk. Then suddenly all the lights turn on and all of Intelligence jumps up from their hiding spaces and shout"welcome back!!!"

"Aww thanks guys! You're the best!"

"Actually, Erin, you're the best!" Kim says giving me a hug.

I missed them. How could I ever leave my Intelligence family? They are my family, my real family. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hank, we need to talk to you." Jay says as we approach his office.

"What's up?"

"Well," I begin, "I know you aren't exactly okay with our relationship so I was thinking I could transfer to a different force."

"Let me stop you right there. I am okay with your relationship. I will always be okay with your relationship."

"Wait, really?"

"Really. Now go back to work, we've got a case to solve."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jay's been acting weird. I think he's hiding something. Except, I have no idea what he'd be hiding. Whenever I ask him what's wrong he pretends like he doesn't hear me. He's never done this before. He was like that all day today, and now when we're finally home, in bed, he suddenly gets up.

"Jay, where are you going?"

"I have to run an errand, I'm sorry, it's important."

"Oh, okay."

While he's gone I sit on the couch and watch a movie. He doesn't return till 11 o'clock.

"So, did you get everything you needed?"

"Yeah, don't worry, you'll find out what it is tomorrow."

I slowly fall asleep with thoughts of what it could be swimming in my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we arrive at the precinct the next day Jay quickly goes into Hank's office. What is he up to? I try and focus on the case but I can't. Halfway through the day I notice that Jay texted me.

Jay: Hey, wanna go to Molly's tonight with the team?

Me: Yeah, sure. Is everything ok?

Jay: Everything's Great!

I really hope he's telling the truth. I would be really annoyed if he was lying. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I arrive at Molly's I notice it's empty except for all our friends.

"Herman? Where are all the customers?"

"Ask your boyfriend." He replies before turning his attention back to the drink he was fixing.

"Hank, where's Jay?"

"Just wait, you'll be glad you did."

A few minutes later all the lights turn off except for the fairy lights lining the ceiling. I hear music start to play, and everyone silently moves towards the back leaving Jay and I in the center.

"Erin, from the moment I met you I knew you were special. I love everything about you. And when you got shot I felt my world fall apart. I don't know what I would of done if you died. You mean the world to me. And I would be stupid to not do this." Jay begins.

"Jay...?"

He slowly gets down on one knee and pulls out a box. He opens the box and reveals a beautiful diamond ring inside.

"Erin Lindsay, will you marry me?"

"YES!! A MILLION TIMES YES!!!!!"

I run forward and give Jay a huge hug and kiss him. He gently places the ring on my finger before returning my kiss. Everyone cheers and congratulates us. 

Even though I got shot, I guess it's been a good few months. As long as I have Jay with me, I know I can get through anything life may throw at me.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of these amazing characters. They all belong to the amazingly talented Dick Wolf.  
> AN: Okay so I realize that Lindsay left. But I wrote the beginning of this before any one knew that, and I just love Linstead. Hopefully you guys enjoy this as much as I do!! Also I apologize for any grammatical errors, I'm writing this at 10:30 at night... 
> 
> Note: I also wrote this like three years ago...


End file.
